I was supposed to go on vacation with a friend who promised me that she would take me on vacation with her if I exercised for an entire week straight, but my plans fell through. Well, I'll be honest-I flaked on her. Now we both took two weeks off and I caused her plans to go awry. I'm grateful that she is a wonderful and understanding friend. She's still going to take me to Mexico with her for a few days.
I flaked because I am a workaholic. I mean it. For a long time I have thought that I just have a strong work ethic and am a hard-working individual. But, no, I have a serious problem with being a workaholic. So much of a workaholic in fact that I canceled my plane ticket because I wasn't finished with a few minor things for work. Minor things.
Today was my first day off and it was so difficult for me to relax because in the back of my mind I kept thinking that there were things that I need to get done. Specifically: 1) a letter of recommendation; 2) a revision of something that I need to send out to teachers (that is already a few weeks late; and, 3) a letter to principals.
I woke up this morning in a panic and immediately called my secretary to remind her of some things that need to be completed. Then I tried to relax and take a walk. That uneasy feeling of not completing everything that I needed to have completed kept eating away at my mind all day, so I forced myself to go to sleep.
Most normal people would say "oh well, I'm on vacation", but I just can't do it. Not yet, at least. I hope that I can work on getting to that point some day, but I just can't do it now.
So I've decided that I am going to put in one hour or so tomorrow and Wednesday to tie up those loose ends and then I won't do anything else until Oct 6 when I am supposed to go back to work.
I KNOW that I am supposed to have "me" time to rejuvenate my battery. My boss told me that he read a study that women who don't take vacations have a higher chance of having heartattacks. I've got a serious problem and I want to have my life back, but I have to take baby steps.
Is this not totally ridiculous, or what?